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TABLEAU VIVANT

by THEATRUM

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1.
White 08:10
You are in the cover of the blackest light There is no place where you want to go There is nothing, there is nothing in the walls of labyrinth You`re searching for the easiest way To seize the ending of the white thread But your thread is black You’re drowning in panic attack Living with a feeling of endless fight Every step backfires and stabbing like a knife Another battle is lost, I’ve lost And I’m so drained, I have nothing, anymore Now finally I appeal to my star you can’t see it, it’s so pale and so far How can I pull my thread out of tar? Where can I turn the light on? How can I keep the hope alive When all around is black? And I'm watching how you destroy All around me, I can’t move, no. For a chance to feel the taste of white I am ready to sacrifice my life Hopelessly I am holding the end of silk thread Still it’s all black And I want to stay I can't find a way where all is white How can I pull my thread out of tar? Where can I turn the light on? Where can I find the place Where all around is white
2.
*AUDIENCE*: In the reflection of false mirrors - painting of paltry soul How ironic your image looks now When you smile there is nothing, nothing behind you! Bright image, histrionic motions Let's go! It’s time to joke on huge arena We all know, who you are - a little human wearing a kilo of make-up *CLOWN*: If you thought that I have no emotions Let me show you life behind the stage Sleepless nights, tears on pillow If you don't believe me Just a little more and I`ll go insane You are blocking the way to my asylum I`m lost in the space of huge arena I`m escaping shining spotlights Don`t want to be humiliated again *AUDIENCE*: Don't try to change your direction We`re watching your every step Our unmoral hunger Waiting for you to fall again *CLOWN*: From performance to performance coat of paint hides my pain I don't see the difference between life and stage I`m the clown, no one gave me a choice Even if I try i can’t erase my mask I don't want to satisfy your hunger anymore I`ll never play this game again, I`ve run out! Goodbye desirous men who want to see me fall Goodbye! Go to Neverland! I`ll forget your image the next day! At this moment I feel that I’ve born to be something more The sky is drawn beneath Now I can touch the Sun Rays won’t burn my hands no more I’ll destroy implicit faith The sky drawn beneath Now I can touch the Stars Whose light will heal my scars The last word against your laughter Humanity left their eyes long ago Savagery in their eyes doesn’t fade away I`m not the one who can heal them They cannot save themselves Illusion won’t help they’re doomed fall Lust for blood it’s eating them alive I've run away from your poisoned souls Hear my last Goodbyes! I don't care that I am contemptible!
3.
Again... I fall asleep... The clock stands still in eternal symphony... Inner devastation rants That’s my damned grant In one who cares I believe Every day I cover the bottom of my heaven with fear Light surrounds a candlestick Shadows disguise the rest The clock stands still in my comfortable cage Wind in white garden ripped off the door of the cage Fear inside encouraged to go, to make a step into obscurity Spinning in circles for new dawns without care I’m going through unknown places I’m brave enough to dare The further I go The more I see in cold Until the shore is washed away and gone Waters breath heavily Stored where no one else could get Wind won’t give a clue, which direction to go to Till rest will fade away While the sore truth remains, my steps were left in sand So, I hold light in my memory and believe This is just sleep-friendly tyranny The real world is hiding behind vulture`s tongues Birdless cages hanging from the sky, filled with snow Birds my blindfolded shepherds Their wings are ways Shores dividing my socked life The wonder in those empty eyes Stays shaded from sun for horizon to rise Those are child's eyes Clutches dig into my skin Flesh rises over the ground Birds sing their symphony on the way back On the way back to the shelter in my head Waiting for the stars align I’m searching for a sign To reach beyond the skyline There is nothing! And I’m so sick live in this comfortable cage Waiting for the stars align I’m searching for a sign To reach beyond the skyline There is nothing! And I’m so sick live in this comfortable cage
4.
When the light turns pale The darkness comes into your mind so hard to hold the line Hold…. Hold the line! Hold the line! Hold the line! When the words lose their sense When the time loses its value, has no worth for you And all the sounds dissolve in boiling water I drink beverage without taste Black hole absorbs all the light The ending of the silk thread It streaks in dying light I can`t hold the line If I could... If I knew... I would never feel this pain Fighting the demons inside my chest I try to hold my line Hold…. Hold the line! Hold the line! Hold the line! Now I blame myself for who I am In the space without air I hate the feeling that I can’t draw my breath On this threshold If you thought that you are slave of pain When your life is passing quick in vein You don't see the light Just try to hold the line When the light turns pale Fight the darkness in your mind
5.
Pushing your (pushing pushing pushing) Boundaries (little by little) Pushing your (pushing pushing pushing) Boundaries (little by little) When you find yourself pretending that you are a saint Make them feel you’re a victim, you have someone else to blame And every time you’re cannibalizing lies you had to say You say everything is fine as they collapse under own weight Attempt of intervention Is out of question out question This is the wrong direction Time for action Your intentions are clear, All this act inspired by fear. Can’t get lower when it’s over. This wasn’t my intention to steal attention, steal attention. This isn’t my fault that you destroy this world, it’s your redemption. Your intentions are clear, All this act inspired by fear Why can’t you just disappear You are slowly descending into madness, You are slowly descending into madness. And every day I must pray Hoping one day to break free For how long can I run From what I have done You are slowly descending into madness It’s not hard just to accept that Raise your hands you must surrender This extreme indecision contradicts my intuition A blurred world through tunnel vision Is what left of your ambition You don’t believe what you’re suggesting, And wonder why I’m asking questions You learned to run from what you feel And now can distinguish fantasy from what is real You are slowly descending into madness You are slowly descending into madness It’s not hard to just accept that Raise your hands you must surrender
6.
I’m like a sprout on the tree of society I am somewhere above but there is no flow from the ground Only pressure on me Why must I be like you? I can't utter the word My mouth sewn with poisoned thread And they are laughing... Trace of doubt in my mind I don't know what to do And they... are laughing... Please stop laughing! Don`t touch my perfect mind! I can`t be wrong They believe in elevation through humiliation They are hungry ghouls that downplay ambitions They are waiting for my flesh for self-affirmation Here I am on the silver platter I'm coming down I’m like a bend On the straight line of society So I flatten myself more and more Till I’m shallow like them all I may bury myself But I don't want to hear Sneering voices around me I’ll become as everyone else I`m so sorry! Goodbye! Fare well! My perfect mind! Now I don't hear my voice And I don't have a choice Now I'm blind Without any thoughts on my mind Now I don't hear my voice And I don't have a choice Now I'm part of a huge mess Now I'm a fading ghost
7.
I lived in a lie, I lived in a truth I tried to find, I tried to lose I speak with my mind and all I hear are thoughts that emptiness consumes All the ways are gone Defensively I throw myself from one dead end into another My passion is gone I’m taking my strength My body is torn and I’m all alone We laugh! We cry! In search of the answers that we`ll never find! We break rules purposely, just to feel alive! They burn their inner lights Thinking that they are living right Go through gathered steps Imagining artificial happiness Lose all capabilities! Leave behind all your dreams Feeling of indignity will be the part of you! If that's all what you want I can`t be a hypocrite Get down on my knees Something is different inside my mind I`m suffocating by your lies My inner self just tries to scream Something breaks from me outwards I`m not a tamed animal I’m not eating from your hands Leave me alone You can't rule my life Something is wrong in your attempts so don’t even try I don't hear your orders Now I've found the peace I can feel the air circulating in my chest Now I've broken the borders
8.
My house is built in the dark Poor light, can’t tell these rooms apart I close my eyes, I try to lose my soul In dreams, in scenes that feels like home Staring in the mirror slowly I wipe off the dust from my porcelain face Whatever I feel can’t be seen - I’ll leave no trace My mind is set that one’s true self must be hidden well Every day I hear that voice from shadows creeping in I`m the shade behind your back There is no time for your regrets I`m a loop on your neck Don't be ashamed of your porcelain face I am the truth, Your dying light Don't let that voice fool you Set free your true nature, get free Is the price of my happiness depends on a flawless face? Burning light's extinguished one by one My patience wearing thin I’m done I`m the shade behind your back There is no time for your regrets I`m a cover so you could handle life Don't be ashamed of your porcelain face I am the truth Your dying light Run away from this trap Set free your true nature, get free Is it too much to ask, can I take off my porcelain mask? It doesn't feel right it fits no more, let me let it go I’m the fear, i'm the glue I’ll hold on to you you know nothing, stop, just face it, you won't make it out alive. How can I, escape from myself, those parts that swallows me whole and swim out of ocean full of regrets how can I - escape those parts of myself that swallows me whole, get rid of mask it’s all I ask My tears wash away the paint, picture perfect - getting vague hopelessly waiting for darkness to disappear and my true self reappear I’m the fear, i'm the glue I’ll hold on to you you know nothing, stop just face it, you won't make it out alive. how can I, escape from myself, those parts that swallows me whole and swim out of ocean full of regrets how can I - escape those parts of myself that swallows me whole, get rid of mask it’s all I ask I won't listen anymore, all these voices must go and that face they made me wear, i will make it disappear lights are on I can see nothing’s black finally no more hiding no more lies, if i cry you'll hear my cries I can't keep it all inside, see me stand, watch me rise not a clown, i'm not your doll strings you pulled are cut I wont be controlled
9.
Black 06:48
Can’t keep my fire going, I’m burning out Can’t help myself but wonder what is it all about? It’s been awhile oh it’s been a quite some time Since I’ve had a clue in which direction I must head to It’s kind of torture being in my own head I should know Thoughts like a thousand hurricanes keep storming through leaving a mess I can’t undo And they say - What am I waiting for? Clock doesn’t stop so I can’t be stuck in my misery Must move on or at least move at all, step by step pull yourself out of the black Don’t sit and hope, do what you’re told, listen, never question, keep your head down low Your whispers keep following me, layers of your lessons covering my skin Drop by drop you fill my glass trying to hold on not to spill myself out Oceans will wake, flood is coming your way, pray not to drown in your own doings now Dark clouds follow (me) wherever I go How far? How long will I run to outrun storms? When the sky grows black – again I find myself off track When I go off track, I turn insane When I turn insane – storms seem to fade away When the storm is gone – I start to feel alive Who are you to preach, what makes you so worthy? It’s not your place to guide, to tell where, how I should be So don’t you dare to make me to hide my corners I’m the storm, that’s me - every shade of darkness And if I’m still I wait, I wait for right moment To sweep, get rid of all in order for new life to grow I must get rid of all, embrace my shadows, my shadows And turn to black, turn to black, everything’s black But it’s alright, cuz it’s new light, it’s new white

credits

released February 29, 2024

Music and Lyrics by THEATRUM
Recorded by Vadik Squarez at Dynamic Records studio
Mixed and Mastered by Dmitry Pallo

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Theatrum Riga, Latvia

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